July 25, 2013 at 10:17 pm #1508
I am too posting my story again in the hope others will read it and write theirs too.
My story starts really back in September 2009 when we had our second round of IVF which I was convinced hadn’t worked but was ecstatic when I got my positive pregnancy test, we had a rough first few weeks as I bled but all seemed well.
We went for our 12 week scan and they struggled to get a good picture of out little ones head but as we had chosen not to have the nuchal test they didn’t seem concerned and we were told all was well.
We went for out 20 week scan at the end of April 2010 and the ultrasound sonographer told us in a rather abrupt manner that our baby had not developed properly, he had a condition called anencephaly, which basically meant his skull and brain had not formed correctly and therefore he wouldn’t live – it was at this point my whole world came crashing down around my I burst into tears thinking this has got to be a joke but sadly no. All I wanted to know was the sex of my baby and once I knew we immediately called him Samuel James
But our very planned much wanted baby wasn’t going to survive so we took the decision to have him early (I hate to think of it as a termination) but basically we went into hospital 3 days later and gave birth to my beautiful and perfect in my eyes little man.
I was a tough labour taking 2 days and some of the midwives were somewhat lacking in compassion but the last one was fantastic, she took photos, hand prints and gave us a memory box which I left the hospital clutching instead of my gorgeous boy.
This is where Children are Butterflies came into our story and Ann along with all the other butterfly Mummies and Daddy’s have been a godsend to me. Not only did we have a beautiful dignified ceremony for our little man, he returned to us in a beautifully decorated box with a cd of the music which at the time was all too painful to look at but now I so appreciate the thought that was put into making a sad moment into one that I take out and treasure now.
I have since gone on to have 2 beautiful baby girls who are the light of my life, Alexandra Rose (Lexi) was born 22.06.11 who is a cheeky whirlwind of a toddler now and recently Danielle Rose on 8.02,13 who is my chunky monkey.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about their big brother and wonder which one he would have been most like or what he would be doing right now, but time has eased my pain and the tears come less frequently now.
I also appreciate the contact with the other butterfly families that make me feel normal in my continued grieving and dark days as they understand and listen yo my ramblings but also makes it easy to talk about my boy so my girls will grow up knowing they had a big brother and it not be that unspoken story that I have discovered on my journey many people have gone through but rarely talk about until I tell my about my son Samuel James Beck.
Well it’s been a while since I thought about it all in that much detail so sorry if I have waffled on (what you waffle Becky I hear many of you say) but truely hope it helps others to join us on here and help them deal with the raw terrible pain until it becomes a manageable ache.
Becs – Sams Mummy xxxJuly 26, 2013 at 1:15 pm #2481jaydens-mummySpectator
Beautiful, never forgetting beautiful Sam and thank you for sharing your story.
Much love xJuly 26, 2013 at 10:51 pm #2482Pork ChopsSpectator
Aww lots of love Becs, Sam will never be forgotten xxx
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