March 29, 2013 at 6:54 pm #1493
I just need to share.
On Sunday everything was fine, we laughed together, had a happy day, he told me he loved me, we DTD…
Then on Monday he was distant and didnt come home from the pub till late,
On Tuesday he told me he didn’t want to try for any more children, and stayed at his brother house
On Wednesday he told me he wasn’t sure if he loved me any more and isn’t sure if he wants to be with me.
Now he’s gone.
He says he ‘doesn’t know’ how he feels about anything.
He’s telling people we’ve broken up and not communicating with me at all.
I didn’t realise I could feel any lower than I did. Now I’ve lost everything.March 29, 2013 at 9:28 pm #2393Pork ChopsSpectator
Oh no… This sounds awful, I’m so sorry to be reading this after what you have both been through. I’m no relationship expert but maybe he just needs a little time to think??? It’s a little hard for me to advise you when I don’t really know you :/
From his change of heart in such a short period of time really does show me that he is confused… Although I completely understand that you must be going out of your mind not knowing what’s really going on!!!
Try your hardest not to go crazy at him and try to stay calm for you, always here to listen, Sarah xMarch 29, 2013 at 9:38 pm #2394
Oh bless you huni,
You are both going through so much at the moment coming to terms with your loss and everyone deals with things differently – we all hope that trauma like this will bring us closer but we all grieve differently and sometimes it can feel like you are poles apart – so hopefully it is just part of his grieving process and a bit of time will help him sort his head out.
As Sarah says it is difficult to comment on a more personal level not knowing either of you but we are still here to listen anytime.
Take care huni and surround yourself with good friends and family to help you through these tough days.
Becs xxxMarch 29, 2013 at 10:21 pm #2395nickinooSpectator
So sorry to read this with everything you have already been through and I hope you can both work it out. Perhaps he just needs a bit of time to sort out his feelings and to deal with what has happened. With so many emotions and feelings when we loose a baby its sometimes hard to know how we feel.
But if you just need to get things off your chest we are all here to listen.
Michelle. XMarch 30, 2013 at 9:07 am #2396
Well I’ve just seen message he’s been sending to his ex’s and other girls asking if they still have a boyfriend etc. As far as I was concerned we are still together and he just needed space, it turns out he’s moved on and is looking for the next woman!March 31, 2013 at 9:25 pm #2397jaydens-mummySpectator
Sweetie, words fail me. I am shocked and staggered especially after meeting you both and seeing you as a couple. I pray grief has played a part in his decision and after awhile you can both unite. Be kind to yourself and please get in touch if you need a shoulder or want to chat.
Much love xxxMarch 31, 2013 at 10:52 pm #2398Anonymous
I’m so sorry to hear what has happened. Losing a baby can put strain on the best relationships. Men & women deal with things very differently & in my experience even when you know someone very well, nothing has quite prepared either of you how to deal with this. I think maybe this is his way of dealing with things at the moment. Can you talk to him? Would he be prepared to go to counselling with you? I think I went quite mad after losing Grace, my husband could do nothing right & I think he often felt like he was walking on eggshells, not wanting to do or say the wrong thing. I had counselling & he came along to a session. I think it helped us both to understand how the other one felt. Ultimately we were both devastated by the loss of our child, as you are.
Be gentle on yourself. Do you have a good friend you can talk to, cry to?
Thinking of you & hope things are brighter for you soon.
Max, xMarch 31, 2013 at 11:59 pm #2399Helen-Scully-SloanSpectator
I echo everything that has been said above, don’t think I can say anything different.
I am so sorry to hear what has happened and hope that things dirt themselves out for you.
Always here to listen.
Carla xxxApril 2, 2013 at 1:34 pm #2400
He’s point blank refused any counselling, he wouldnt even come to the last sands meeting with me and that was before he walked out.
He’s adamant that its nothing to do with Isobel, he just says he doesnt love me and that that. I’m so lost right now, I have some lovely friends around me but I keep expecting him to come home, I keep making coffee for him etc. I just feel so empty and alone, I love him so much its unbearable, I just wish there was some way we could be together but he’s having none of it, its over and I have to carry on somehow without him or Isobel.
xxApril 2, 2013 at 2:10 pm #2401Anonymous
Oh Katie, I’m so sorry. I don’t really know what to say. It sounds to me like his head is in a mess, maybe he does need some time to try and think. People make strange decisions sometimes in grief. Whatever has happened, the timing is awful, you need support. Have you been going to the Sands meetings? I’ve never been but I do know people find them helpful. Are you having counselling yourself? Even without him I think it’s something you should consider. Jane Percival at NGH arranged it for me.
Hope you can come along to our next meeting. I don’t know when that is yet but I’m sure something will be sorted soon.
xxxApril 8, 2013 at 5:50 pm #2402Phoebe’sMummy~FionaSpectator
Hi Katie, I’m so sorry to hear this news. I can’t add anything to what the ladies have said, but please be assured I will continue to hold you in my heart and pray for you.
Sending you lots of love and hugs
ClareApril 8, 2013 at 6:52 pm #2403
Its very definitely over. He doesn’t want anything to do with me at all. I just don’t understand as we were fine and then all of a sudden he’s left. I don’t know what to do with myself. We’ve spoken and I asked about what we are going to do on Isobels due date as we were going to scatter her ashes and plant and Isobel rose bush for her but he said he ‘cant do that day’ – as in her due date, as he’s going racing with the lads. I just don’t know what to think, fair enough he doesn’t want to be with me but how can he deny her memory? She’ll always be his daughter and its like he doesn’t care about that either now.
xxApril 8, 2013 at 7:15 pm #2404Pork ChopsSpectator
Aww it sounds like he is being awful, I’m really sorry as you hoarsely need this stress at this time!
In the meantime, if he is being like that then you just do as you need to, in regards to Isobel’s memory. That sounds lovely what you have in mind
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