Re: Feeling really rubbish x

#2286
gem32
Spectator

    Thank you, today feels even worse than yesterday, I just keep sinking – I had no idea I could feel this awful, I just want to scream and have my baby back, I’d do anything to hold her in my arms, it hurts too much at the moment. I’ve contacted my counsellor to see if she can fit me in at all as I’m scaring myself now and I know Matt’s struggling to cope with me, he’s still being very wonderful but I’m not helping him at all and I’m worried he’s going to run out of patience. He keeps telling me to be strong but I don’t want to be, I know that sounds so defeatist but I really don’t, I want to stay curled up under the duvet and hold Isobel’s baby grow that she was blessed in, it smells of her and I want to hold her again. We agreed on Friday that we wouldn’t go and see her again after we dressed her ready for Thursday but I want to see her so much, I can’t bear the thought that I’m not going to see her or hold her again, she’s my baby and I want her back and I want to scream myself hoarse and cry and shut the whole world out until I can find a way to have her back but I know that can never happen. I’ve just read this back and I realise I sound completely nuts, I just genuinely don’t know what to do, I haven’t slept for days and the sleeping tablets prescribed for me aren’t working, I literally lay awake all night crying and missing her and then morning comes and I do the same all day.